QBQ

Cultivating an Ethic of Personal Responsibility

Here’s a book for all of us: “QBQ - The Question Behind the Question”. Its topic never tires: personal responsibility. And the need for such responsibility may never be greater. We need more people asking: How can I approach my life with greater integrity? QBQ offers a practical approach.

Hard-wired to whine.

It may be we are hard-wired to whine. If you are a parent, you’ll hear your kids whining about chores. Why do I have to help in the yard? We do it ourselves at work and at home. Why do I have to take this silly training? Do we have to go to your parent’s tonight?

John Miller, the author of “QBQ - The Question Behind the Question” labels all of these questions as “I.Qs” - Incorrect Questions. They are triggered by valid feelings, but expressed in forms that leave us the victim.

QBQ as a book presents our very human reactions to life, and then quickly offers a hopeful alternative.

“Incorrect questions” – when identified – become doorways to deeper understanding. Our whining IQs paradoxically offer access to empowerment. Behind every IQ is a better question to ask - The Question Behind the Question.

If we pay attention.

Paying Attention

Let’s be honest: when our brains are in the vice-grips of a whine-fest, we feel trapped.

But if we can catch ourselves saying the IQ’s, Why do I have to… Why don't they... When are they going to..., we are half-way to liberating action.

Simple awareness of our thoughts offers half the solution.

We catch the thought and turn our attention into a positive and empowered direction. We transform an Incomplete Question into a better and richer question.

Ask the Better Question

The better question is the Question Behind the Question (QBQ). Creating a QBQ is simple:

Start with the word How or What,
Pivot on the pronoun I
And finish with a strong action.

Here are a few QBQs of Why do I have to do this silly training?

What topic in today’s course has the most relevance for my business?
How can I find something productive and meaningful in today’s training?

The QBQ transforms the negative view into a more hopeful perspective.

Here's how a youth's question, Why do I have to help you in the yard?, might be transformed:

What types of plants can I learn about today in the yard?
How can Dad and I have fun while we get this work done?

The QBQ honors the tough moment (i.e. needing to help in the yard) but then digs deeper in search of a redeeming element.

Reality Check

Parents are likely rolling their eyes now. “My kids are never going to ask those questions!”

And you may be right. Today. But therein lies the opportunity for influencing their thought habits.

Taking personality responsibility for our lives is a learned habit. It takes time. It requires mentors. And it depends upon being around others who also are working to practice personal responsibility themselves.

Candidly, you might say, "I don't want to ask those questions! I'd just rather be honest about a bad situation." Which brings the mind to a glass half-full or half-empty critical juncture. Honestly assessing reality is critical to sound living. But how we frame that reality and the choice we make to empower or disempower our own position will greatly determine our viewpoint and staying-power. Asking QBQ's requires maturity. But it leads to expansive freedom.

Read the Book

And so I invite you to read the book. Our local library here in North Central Washington has a copy. Inexpensive used copies can be found online. Read it with a friend, a spouse, or a workmate. And then practice.

The seas of life inevitably will present us with storms.

Asking good QBQs helps keep our oars squarely in the water.